In late 2022, I met with a psychic medium. One message the medium channeled from the Universe and my spirit guides was, "You are unstoppable."
Months later, in early 2023, I was at my lowest. My kitten had died, and my mental health was so poor that I left my job to take care of myself. I went back to that same medium to ask the Universe WFT. I wanted clarity on the message. She explained, "You're not unstoppable because the road before you is open and clear of obstacles. You are unstoppable because you will never give up."
I resented this inner resilience. Tired of the pain, I wanted an exit.
I wrestled with myself for months. Eager to die and unable to commit. Part of my soul clung to life. Most of my dreams had died, but one remained. I made an agreement with myself:
I would live and pursue this dream. When I failed, I could end things.
I knew that in pursuing my passion, I would find other reasons to live that would likely anchor me to life if I did fail. Regardless, this agreement worked for me internally.
Deciding to stay didn't magically improve everything. But it did give me direction. Now I had a reason to keep going—a reason to face my fears and learn from my mistakes.
I haven't achieved my dream yet, but I am closer than ever before. I'm making art regularly. My art is viewed and enjoyed by strangers. I'm helping to create a community of artists with similar values and passions.
Along the way, I found a job that supports my healing, a few close friends I can depend on, stable housing, and created a plan to address my debt.
I still have moments where I wish I hadn't chosen to keep living. Sometimes I curse the part of me that holds my hope and dreams. That's normal. Life is harrowing and challenging. Reaching for dreams is messy and complicated. But it has been worth it.